


Quiet when I'm coming home

by Hufflepuff_Of_Many_Names



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-04 00:16:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17887880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hufflepuff_Of_Many_Names/pseuds/Hufflepuff_Of_Many_Names
Summary: The worst part of it was going back.





	Quiet when I'm coming home

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, just watched this amazing show and had to write something about my favorite character and his struggles. Please feel free to tell me what you thought about it good or bad. just as a heads up this was written at like three AM and is a draft that I might rewrite later but I couldn't wait to share with other fans so I hope you enjoy. correction on grammar or writing suggestions would be much appreciated.

The worst part of it was going back. Showing up on that bus alone and shaking, blood soaked hands gripping the briefcase so hard he thought it would break. He wouldn’t fully understand the implications of that decision until later, after that wretched device had been destroyed and any hope of ever returning was gone.

Collapsing in the middle of the street wasn’t the most dignified reaction but nothing about the situation was dignified, if it were he wouldn't be crying, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he sobbed like he hadn’t in years. _What would father think of him now?_ Curled up in the fetal position sobbing just like all those times in the crypt. He laughed through the tears an insane little chuckled that rattled in his head. _Pathetic, weak, nothing new then_. The chuckles now full body laughter dissolved into sobs once more. Slowly they tapered off his breath becoming even as his sadness gave way to a feeling of nothing.  He had expected rage but instead he felt numb, devoid of any and all emotion. Is this what death feels like?

Stumbling to his feet he glanced around himself for the first time at the calm mundane atmosphere surrounding him. It was jarring to say the least, the switch from full out warzone, chaos and noise, to this stillness. He knew he must have looked like a mad man stumbling through the streets with blood covered hands, holding his shaking body as he slowly made his way to the house. Ben still hadn’t come back, for that he was almost thankful he didn't have the energy to deal with him. _God he was a clusterfuck._ When at last he reached the door and pulled it open he saw … nothing. There was no one, no worried greeting or exclamations of concern. Just a somber silence settled over the entire property. He realized now what coming back meant, it means forgetting, or at least burying every memory from the last 10 months so deep no one would ever know anything had happened. _He could do that, Right?_ Who was he kidding if he thought he was messed up before. _Out of the way Klaus of old there is a new number one fuckup in town. It's not like any of his siblings would care_ , they couldn’t even be bothered to notice he was missing. But who was he to judge it was abundantly clear they weren't the poster children for healthy and happy family relationships.

Stumbling his way up the stairs he made his way to the bathroom. He closed the door locking it behind him and made his way towards the bath turning on the tap to the highest heat and leaving it to fill up. He slowly stripped out of his clothes first his pants and boxers and then his vest. He folded each item of clothing carefully setting them down on the sinktop. He hands made their way to the dog tags hanging around his neck but he couldn't bring himself to remove them, he needed something to keep him grounded and the feeling of the cold metal on his chest seemed like the best solution for the moment. Turning off the tap he lowered himself into the tub with a hiss. Slowly he looked down at his hands, he shoved them under the water scrubbing to remove the blood. He watched as the red seeped into every inch of his vision, spreading through the water at an alarming rate. He felt himself slipping and tried to reign in his thoughts. _No, don't go there._ But it was too late.

_He could hear the helicopter blades, the sound of guns, as the ground shook beneath him. He crouched low avoiding the hail of bullets sent their way. His heart raced in his chest as he looked around there was no escaping the noise. The constant assault on his senses. The sound of the dead was just as loud. Their cries of agony and vengeance ringing loud through the air._

He resurfaced from his mind with a gasp. His hands now mostly clean came up to thread through his hair as silent tears trickled from his eyes. _Your not there. You got out. You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe._ He repeated the chant in his head until his breath grew even and his heart stopped racing. Reaching up to grip the dog tags around his neck for extra comfort he pressed his lips to them slowly exhaling as a single tear slipped from his closed eyelid. The bath had long grown cold chilling his already frosty bones, all the warmth he gained had fled in the wake of that particular flashback.

He grabbed the vest and pants on his way out of the bathroom, walking slowly down the hall with a towel slung around his hips. He quickly got dressed in his leather pants and a loose tank top before pulling on the vest and tucking the dogtags into his shirt so they rested just above his heart.

“Klaus, You okay?” he turns to look number 5 in the face.

“ Yeah, just been a long night.” He replies, bitterly smirking at the irony. Five looks quirks his head and gives him a knowing look.

“ More than a few. “ As if waiting for a response Five raises an eyebrow at the older man. When he doesn’t receive on he continues. “ Didn’t realize you had dog tags.”

“ There not mine, they belong to a friend” Five looks skeptical but he just shrugs as if expecting that answer.

“ How about the tattoo” Five nods to his arm. Klaus looks down and opens his eyes in mock surprise as if seeing it for the first time

“ You know, I don’t actually remember getting that” He watches as five rolls his eyes his mouth set in a frown as if disappointed in the other man.

“ I may look 13, but I'm not actually stupid. I know the symptoms of time travel. You are displaying all of them. So where -no when did you go? And how long were you gone?”

“ Well you see your little friends, the ones in the masks they came around here looking for you. But surprise, surprise you were gone so who did they take instead? Me. Anyway I manage to get free but I opened the briefcase. Was gone for a good ten months if you can believe it.” He said this with a sarcastic grin in place. Five looked at him as if prompting him to continue.

“ and… where is the briefcase” Klaus let out a bitter chuckle at this.

“ Gone, No, Nada, Zilch. Whatever, doesn’t matter what word you use I destroyed it.”

“ Oh you idiot. Do you have any idea what you’ve done. I needed the briefcase to go back and fix everything.” Five shakes his head and leaves the room muttering a quick whatever over his shoulder as he slams Klaus’ door behind him.

The rest of Klaus’ day goes about as well as one would expect. Ben shows up at some point, put out and a little curious about why he was gone in the first place. Klaus knows he owes him an explanation but that requires actually talking about the issue and he really doesn’t want to open that can of worms. He and Diego save the day, and he admits they make a good team. He even forgets about the war for a minute the constant anxiety and guilt leaving him in peace while they barrel down the highway in the Ice cream truck. In the end that just makes him feel more guilty. _God he’s such a bad person, no wonder none of his siblings care about him._ How could he forget about the man who gave him everything in return for the little Klaus had to offer. And despite the small bit of respite he gains that evening it’s still overshadowed by the ever present wariness held in his frame now. He notices everything around him more keenly. The smell of gunpowder that ever so often appears out of nowhere. The sound of bullets and other loud noises both real and imaginary that make him flinch. Violently at first and then more subtle when he catches Diego and Luther giving him odd looks. It really turns into a shitshow when he tries to sleep that night.

_“ Dave! No, you can’t do this to me.” He watched as blood seeped from the wound. Oh God. Oh God. This can't be happening. He applied more pressure and looked at his lovers face. Dave’s eyes were blown wide in shock as a trail of blood bubbled up from his mouth. Tears seeped from Klaus’ eyes._

_“ Medic! Medic! Hey someone we need a Medic.” Despite the noise in the background Klaus only had eyes for Dave. No! Please, God no! I can't do this alone. He begged and pleaded for someone to help but he knew it would never come. They were on the front lines, and everywhere around him people were dying. Dave was just one more casualty in a pointless war._

He wakes violently from the very same dream three times before he decides he might be better off just staying awake. So starts his watch. He’s sluggish and tired in the morning almost completely unresponsive while the others scramble for a solution to the apocalypse. No one expects him to be useful so he isn’t and by the time they find out the truth about Vanya’s new boytoy he’s already more drunk than he has been in the past two weeks.

At the last minute Allison decides she won't be going to find Vanya, something about Luther needing her. He found out some stuff about his moon mission. To be perfectly honest Klaus wasn’t really paying attention but he sees his escape and he takes it. His offer is of course met with skepticism. They don't trust him and he knows it. But he also knows they have more important things to do, or at least they think they do and this is a great way to get him out of the way so they let him. That night, high on at least two illegal substances and sleep deprived he packs up to go warn Vanya. Ben is a constant despite his inebriated state. But Klaus doesn’t know whether to be thankful or annoyed. A source of distraction but also of ridicule, his endless lectures do little to help Klaus, they just enforce what he already knows. _I’m weak and nothing will change that._

The drugs numb him enough so that he can almost get some sleep. The dreams aren’t even always that bad. Sometimes he dreams of the good times, the nights he and Dave would look up at the stars, cuddled together, speaking in whispers so as to not wake the others. Dave would talk of his two younger sisters Maddy and Alex and his family at home. His mother kind and loving but stern. His father strict and cautious but with a quiet sort of encouragement. He would curl up beside Dave and imagine a life like that, how happy he would have been. Those were the dreams he never wanted to end, that he wished he could live in forever. But as the past has demonstrated Klaus can never be happy. _Your not worth it._ He knows thats why, that's what everyone's told him and it's what he’s come to believe about himself

The drives are spent in silence on his part. After the first day he runs out of drugs to numb himself. It makes the trip twice as long, his body desperately needs sleep so he regularly stops and naps only to be woken in the midst of another nightmare. Sometimes on the really bad nights he wonders what it would be like to just drive off the road. A little flick of the wrist and he could be with Dave. He almost does it once but he realizes that Vanya depending on him and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt because he is too screwed up to fix his problems. So he quickly rights himself. Ben looks like he wants to say something but remains silent, though he keeps a close watch on his hands from then on.

Mostly he finds he just misses Dave. The man he let closer than anyone, that knew everything about him. One time after a particularly brutal night, when the spirits just wouldn’t shut up, he told him everything. About his powers and his family. How messed up his father was and how he got to Vietnam in the first place. He had expected Dave to run, to call the loony bin, but he didn’t. Instead he kissed Klaus, soft and passionately, he told him he was worth it, that he didn’t deserve anything that had happened to him. That was the moment he knew he loved him.

Driving was a curse and a gift. He was blessedly alone but he was also _alone_. Left with his greatest demon-Himself. With nowhere to escape from his dark thoughts they festered and grew consuming him until there was almost nothing left. Just a shell of a man too broken to care.

He arrived at the cabin in three days. Really considering how much of a fuck up he is it’s not that bad of an accomplishment. He doesn’t know what to expect when he gets there but it definitely isn't what he finds. _Vanya has powers. Shit, Dad was even more of an asshole than we thought._ She’s angry and he tries to calm her down.

“ Did you know” She burns, fierce and angry her fists clenched at her sides.

“ No, Of course I didn’t know. Do you think I would have kept it from you if I did?” now he’s angry. How could she accuse him of something like that. He may not be the best at showing it but he cares for each and every one of his siblings. He at least thinks he still has a chance of calming her down as long as he says the right words. “ I love you Vanya, I always have and I always will”  it has the opposite effect. Instead of her fury rescinding it goes up a notch. Things start flying around the room. Papers and books are thrown from tabletops, broken cups and glass litter the floor slowly rising in the air

“ Oh really, you loved me? That's what love was, our entire childhood. You barely talked to me. You couldn’t wait to get rid of me at every opportunity. Don’t pretend you cared about me.” the wind picks up and he looks at her fearfully, there is hurt in her eyes. The kind that makes you do stupid, desperate things. He should know he sees it enough in the mirror. She’s about to do something she’s going to regret unless he can stop her.

“ Yes, I loved you. We all love you” Obviously this isn’t the right thing to say or maybe she just didn’t register the words because the minute they leave his mouth she yells throwing her arms at him. He watches as her face falls, her eyes going wide and frightened staring at his chest. He looks down slowly registering the growing pain throughout his body. He smells the blood first, a large red stain stretching from his right shoulder to his left hip bone. His tanktop is in tatters. _Thank God my vest is in the car._ His legs turn wobbly, knees collapsing on him. But Vanya catches him slowly lowering them both to the ground. Her face is pale her lips tracing the single syllable “No” over and over again. He reaches for her hand but feels incredibly weak, his chest is coated in wet sticky blood and he wonders if this is how Dave felt as he died. Numb but full of feeling. He tries to tell Vanya it’s okay but doesn’t quite manage it before he slips quietly away.

The next time he wakes up he’s back at the mansion. Pogo is standing over him a concerned looking Allison hovering over his other shoulder. She tells him how they found him, almost dead lying on the floor of the cabin. He now has Diego’s blood in him, though he doesn’t feel any different except for the weakness spread throughout his body. Before the exhaustion takes him under again he tells her about Vanya’s powers. He falls asleep again, to Allison’s fingers combing through his hair. In the morning she is gone and Ben is standing beside him. He smiles up at his favorite brother. Ben however is not so happy, his frown says all he needs to know and all he has to say is that Vanya need him, before he is up stumbling through the hallways and down to the basement,

“What do you think you are doing.” He yells at Luther when he explains what happened, standing in front of a terrified Vanya who is beating at the glass divide of the cage. He rushes Luther as much as he can in his injured state. The others continue as if they haven’t heard him. So he prepares himself and as loudly as he can demands she be let out. “ This isn’t our choice, Her imprisonment is not up for discussion. Let her out Luther.” When Luther doesn’t budge he looks to Diego and Allison for support. Diego nods his head moving to physically confront Luther. While he is occupied with that Klaus slips past him and opens the cage catching Vanya as she falls to the ground tears streaming down her face. He holds her as she sobs his stitches pulling as he grasps her tighter.

He never realized it's actually happening too preoccupied with his sister. Faster than Diego or Allison can respond Luther shoves them both further in the cage and locks the door. He plants himself in front of the door so neither of his other siblings can do anything. Klaus doesn’t understand at first all he feels is pain, his vision goes white with it. Vanya is up of the floor in a heartbeat pounding on the door as the rest of their family flees the room. When he finally looks up it's not to the oddly designed interior of the cube but the dark, damp mausoleum. Vanya continues banging on the door until she realizes they aren’t coming back. Only then does she notice the quiet shaking ball that is Klaus, curled in the corner fending of his old qhosts, silent tears streaming down his face.

“ You know my childhood wasn't all rainbows and roses either. None of ours were. Dad was a dick and whether he paid attention to you or not.” She stayed quite as he continued. “ He used to lock me in the mausoleum. Then he called me a disappointment, weak, Nothing I did was ever good enough. I tried, Oh I tried, for so long. “ he paused wiping a few tears from his face with shaking hands. “ But one day I realized there was no point in trying to achieve something he was never going to gIve.”  he laughed a broken bitter thing, “And he screwed me up too, He screwed me up so bad. I used to think it was my fault that I just wasn’t good enough, for him, for anyone….. but someone showed me that wasn’t true and I think it's important that you hear it.” she looked up at his tear stained face watching as he slowly moved his hand to grip hers. “ You didn’t deserve what he did to you.” he squeezed her hand and if to emphasize his point. “ None of us did. And that's why we have to stick together, because no one understands us as much as each other and no one loves you more than us.” He thinks of Dave’s face smiling, thrown back in laughter. “ One day you might find someone who understands you for you, someone so important the world pales in comparison but until then you're stuck with us, Or at least me.” He brought her close hugging her to his chest. “I promise that as long as you need me I’ll be there, Do we have a deal?” She pulled away looking at him for any trace of falsehood in his statement but could find none.

“ We have a deal.” she smiled shyly at him and then asked him a question no one had in a long time. “ Klaus, are you okay?” He tilted his head to the side staring at an empty corner. Dave stared back at him a soft smile played on his features. He looked back at Vanya and for the first time with complete sincerity he spoke.

“ I think I will be.”

  
  
  



End file.
